Fact or Fiction?
Upon returning from India, I was bombarded with a tantamount of questions from friends and family. "Did you meet anyone?"..." Who is she?"..." I know thats why you went to Bombay first. Whats her name"..."How old is she"...When I tried to convince them that my life was and is as stagnant as it has always been, they would brush aside my response and pester me with more questions....thats when it all started.
I told a teeny weeny tiny lil' small puny white lie...one that would snowball into something that would no longer be in my control...I told 'em there was a girl.
What was I to do? I did that for precisely two reasons. The first was to get them off my back. The second was to eradicate any preconcieved notions of my sexuality. It has been 3 long years since I have maintained a steady relationship with any female and I was afriad that my label as a hetereosexual bachelor was beginning to be questioned. I was unaware, however, that this so-called girlfriend of mine would start to actually take shape.
Her name? Deepti? Why Deepti, you ask? Beats me as well. It was the first name that came to mind. She works for her father's firm in Bombay and just recently earned a Bachelor's degree from the United States in History and Psychology. She is three years younger than I am and is striving to become an interior decorator. She embodies and extremely petitie figure and wears her hair curls for the most part (except when there is a special event). She has a very peculiar laugh and often sounds like she is hacking up a lung when she finds something extraordinarily humorous. She is rather fair and stands 5'4 tall (so that we can look adoringly compatible, even with heels).
Its not that I have sat down and conciously cooked up all these details about this imaginary friend of mine. It have been compelled to come up with these details...turning a fiction into fact as I went along being interrogated. Not an easy task I tell ya, especially when you need to keep track of everything you said....My bhabhi had randomly asked me the other day whether D was fair skinned or on the 'tan' side...(very indian-esque approach to the question if you ask me, but moving right along)...I said she was 'wheatish' in color and went back to watching television..The scary part is that I was not even phased by the question...she could've even asked which gaon her great-grandmother was orignally from and I would've probably come up with something at the drop of a hat. Hours later, my cousin walked in the house and I said "Wuddup Coke." We've all called her Coke since she was a child due to 'dark' skin-tone (no offense to any dark-complexioned readers out there, most of the jokes told in my household are not exactly what one would call politically correct, but hey, thats the way we roll)....Anyhow, getting back to this long and drawn out story...my cousin responded by jokingly, "I swear, the way you make fun of me, you are going end up marrying the darkest girl I know and then we'll see who has the last laugh"...I laughed it off and said "Oh yeah, Deepti is actually on the darker side." Low and behold, my Bhabhi was standing right there and said "But you said she has a 'wheatish' skin-tone"...
I was stumped.
"I guess wheat can come in different shades can't it?" I said wanting while attempting to dig my own grave. "Argg, we need a pic of this girl!" bhabhi said as I walked towards the kitchen to catch my breath.
Yes guys, I'm aware, its totally outta hand. How I do salvage myself? Say we broke up? Say that we both don't believe in long-distance? What if I wanna be dating Deepti? Have I truly lost it? Sad but true, fellas, I'm starting to believe she's real.
I told a teeny weeny tiny lil' small puny white lie...one that would snowball into something that would no longer be in my control...I told 'em there was a girl.
What was I to do? I did that for precisely two reasons. The first was to get them off my back. The second was to eradicate any preconcieved notions of my sexuality. It has been 3 long years since I have maintained a steady relationship with any female and I was afriad that my label as a hetereosexual bachelor was beginning to be questioned. I was unaware, however, that this so-called girlfriend of mine would start to actually take shape.
Her name? Deepti? Why Deepti, you ask? Beats me as well. It was the first name that came to mind. She works for her father's firm in Bombay and just recently earned a Bachelor's degree from the United States in History and Psychology. She is three years younger than I am and is striving to become an interior decorator. She embodies and extremely petitie figure and wears her hair curls for the most part (except when there is a special event). She has a very peculiar laugh and often sounds like she is hacking up a lung when she finds something extraordinarily humorous. She is rather fair and stands 5'4 tall (so that we can look adoringly compatible, even with heels).
Its not that I have sat down and conciously cooked up all these details about this imaginary friend of mine. It have been compelled to come up with these details...turning a fiction into fact as I went along being interrogated. Not an easy task I tell ya, especially when you need to keep track of everything you said....My bhabhi had randomly asked me the other day whether D was fair skinned or on the 'tan' side...(very indian-esque approach to the question if you ask me, but moving right along)...I said she was 'wheatish' in color and went back to watching television..The scary part is that I was not even phased by the question...she could've even asked which gaon her great-grandmother was orignally from and I would've probably come up with something at the drop of a hat. Hours later, my cousin walked in the house and I said "Wuddup Coke." We've all called her Coke since she was a child due to 'dark' skin-tone (no offense to any dark-complexioned readers out there, most of the jokes told in my household are not exactly what one would call politically correct, but hey, thats the way we roll)....Anyhow, getting back to this long and drawn out story...my cousin responded by jokingly, "I swear, the way you make fun of me, you are going end up marrying the darkest girl I know and then we'll see who has the last laugh"...I laughed it off and said "Oh yeah, Deepti is actually on the darker side." Low and behold, my Bhabhi was standing right there and said "But you said she has a 'wheatish' skin-tone"...
I was stumped.
"I guess wheat can come in different shades can't it?" I said wanting while attempting to dig my own grave. "Argg, we need a pic of this girl!" bhabhi said as I walked towards the kitchen to catch my breath.
Yes guys, I'm aware, its totally outta hand. How I do salvage myself? Say we broke up? Say that we both don't believe in long-distance? What if I wanna be dating Deepti? Have I truly lost it? Sad but true, fellas, I'm starting to believe she's real.
posted by say what? @ 2:31 PM
2 comments
